Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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