I think I won the penis lottery.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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