TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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