you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
