Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
