I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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