I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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