OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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