Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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