The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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