so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
