sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
