Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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