Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
