Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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