all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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