allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
