Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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