Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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