You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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