I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
