you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
