I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
