do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
