i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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