gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
