it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
