Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
