It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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