I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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