you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
