Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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