Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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