Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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