If that was your dad, he is hot
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
