Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
me + whiskey = a bad person
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
