That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
