Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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