sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize