She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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