DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
