Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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