I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I supernannyed him into submission
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize