dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
