i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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