So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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