so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
