I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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