And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
