One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
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