I wish i was in the wii world.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
