OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
