PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
