one two three fourrrrnication!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
