I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
