Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize