She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
