Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
