I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
