You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
