i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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