Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
