So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
