so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
