The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
