Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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