I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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