I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I supernannyed him into submission
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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