In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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