Will you blow on my dice?
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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