Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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