apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
